i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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