my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
zippers are such a cool invention
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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