On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize