All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
