u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I stole a fireplace last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize