By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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