i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
