Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
