Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
