So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
