May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
