i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He shit in the fireplace
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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