I cockslap morals
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
