I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
