How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
