i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
