i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
