I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
