Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
