Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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