dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
