i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
