I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
