i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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