just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
