She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
