Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize