My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
