if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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