But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize