Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
