Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
