Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
