I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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