margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
