I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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