So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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