so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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