i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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