a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
