you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
COCAINE IS GR8
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
