My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The air was thick with penises
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
