I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
