Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My vagina is officially offended.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
