Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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