can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
