I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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