the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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