She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
