apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
