New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
