upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
NoShamevember. You game?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
