I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
