don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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