She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
