Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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