AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
