I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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