Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
pray to the hookup gods
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
