You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
