All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
