A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize