Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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