Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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