did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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