I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
