i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
