Umm I'm too high to move.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
