You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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