i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
