i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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