no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
