Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize