Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
