I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
