His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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