I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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