I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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