I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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