You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
