just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
